kinkyandpoly | Reading

I went downtown to try on the sandals I'd bought and had delivered to the Clarks store. They didn't fit, so I returned them, which basically meant picking them up, bringing them to the counter, and telling the cashier I was returning the soes.

I stopped at the Copley Square farmers market on the way home and bought a loaf of bread, a few cucumbers, and a pint of strawberries. Part of why I did this today rather than tomorrow was so I could stop at the market.

Tags:

shoes

cosmolinguist

The meme that goes "what a week/Captain, it's Wednesday"?

I basically said both parts of that myself today, in a meeting with an equally tired and frazzled colleague.

And it was only much later that I realized.

It isn't even Wednesday today. It's only Tuesday.

First thing tomorrow morning I have my PIP assessment. It's for a review from 2024 of a decision made in 2021. So much has happened. Looking over my descriptions from both these documents tonight, I am overwhelmed.

After the assessment, I will rush in to avpresentation for a webinar with a couple of colleagues (which is actually way more stressful than doing it myself). As long as the DWP's (expensive outsourced) assessors don't keep me waiting an arbitrary amount of time for it as one of their little games, something they are known to do.

Tags:

ableism,
work

redbird

This year, they're giving away tote bags when people come in to get the printed bingo card. I got email on Friday saying the bags had arrived, so I went back to the Honan-Allston branch library this afternoon.

The bags are just like last year's, except printed in green instead of blue. I like last year's bag--it's the right size for me, and reasonably sturdy. I went to Lizzy's afterwards, bought pints, and put my insulated bag inside the library bag.

The prize for a bingo on the summer reading card is a sticker. I just printed a copy of the "more reading" bingo card, on which all the squares are for reading different kinds of books, and am filling in squares on both cards. So far, I haven't read anything that works for both bingo cards.

Tags:

summer reading bingo

cosmolinguist

The way my voice now resonates in my body feels better to me than I ever thought it could.

I was thinking of this this morning because I talked with a fellow trans dude about singing over the weekend; him dealing with changes to his range made me ponder how I've been kinda avoiding trying to find what my singing might be like?

I know voice training and documenting changes, in speaking and singing, is a Thing for a lot of trans people but the notion gave me big anxiety so I've stayed away from it.

Today I am carefully singing along with the radio (in the sense that I am doing it with care, rather than just finding myself doing so while I am working or whatever) and I don't really care how I sound but I love how it feels.

I said this on fedi and was charmed to have one of my dadliest friends (who we call Other Erik because he's another Erik) say

I hope you never lose that joy! For my part, I still love the feeling and I’ve had a mature low “adult” voice for over 30 years. I find myself humming low-range tunes to myself rather frequently just for the feeling of it in my chest.

It's nice to know it can stay fun for that long!

Tags:

badfalcon

My most played song last week was “Love Story (Taylor’s Version)” by Taylor Swift, and frankly? The drama was earned.

Watch on YouTube

There’s something about that swelling orchestration, that breathless key change, that full-tilt declaration of "It's a love story, baby just say yes". Apparently, I needed to relive every intense teenage emotion I’ve ever had—on repeat.
42 plays. Zero regrets.

It’s the kind of song that makes you believe in running through the rain for someone. The kind of song that pairs well with being emotionally obliterated by… oh I don’t know… a tennis schedule that shows zero respect for your wellbeing.

Because let’s talk about Tuesday.
Let’s talk about Queen’s and Halle.
Let’s talk about how the tournament schedulers clearly do not care about me personally.

Behold:

13:30 – Ben “Sunshine” Shelton (Queen’s)
14:30 – Jannik Sinner (Halle)
15:00 – Carlos Alcaraz vs Foki (Queen’s)
15:00 – Vavassori/Bolelli doubles (Halle)

That’s four must-watch matches in the span of ninety minutes, across two tournaments.
How am I supposed to choose between Carlos chaos, Jannik precision, Foki flair, Italian doubles magic, and the serve-and-smile energy that is Ben Shelton?

The answer is: I can't.
There will be tabs. There will be streams. There will be suffering.

So this week’s Music Monday theme is tragic love - the love I have for tennis, and the tragic way it betrays me with schedule overlaps that feel like personal slights. Taylor understood. I feel like Juliet on the battlements, except instead of Verona, I’m in front of three screens whispering “baby just say yes” to all of them.

Happy Music Monday. I’ll be horizontal, emotionally shredded, and trying to stream four matches at once.

[Edit to add:]

I regret to inform you that the scheduling chaos is even worse than previously reported.

Over in Berlin, Sara Errani/Jasmine Paolini are also playing at 13:30, which now overlaps with Ben Shelton. And then at 15:00, Diana Shnaider is playing as well—at the exact same time as Alcaraz v Foki and the Italian doubles team.

So to recap, my updated Tuesday viewing choices include:

Ben Shelton (Queen’s)
Sara Errani / Jasmine Paolini (Berlin)
Jannik Sinner (Halle)
Carlos Alcaraz v Foki (Queen’s)
Vavassori / Bolelli (Queen’s)
Diana Shnaider (Berlin)

I’ve gone from mildly overwhelmed to actively oppressed.
I am but one gay with a playlist and a dream. This is scheduling violence.

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cosmolinguist

I had a fun time tonight watching D play a very silly round of Hardspace: Shipbreaker, which then got surprisingly stressful and harrowing for a game about taking spaceships apart, and then had an eventful and actually sweet cutscene.

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redbird

Adrian made strawberry pancakes, blueberry pancakes, and raspberry pancakes, partly because we have all these strawberries to use up, and partly so I could try cooked strawberries, after the fresh ones made my lips itch on Friday.

I ate a bite of a strawberry pancake, and found it bland and uninteresting. I didn't react to the berry, but it was one small piece of strawberry, and I don't know whether a larger amount would have been a problem.

I may yet try something like a strawberry sauce over cake or ice cream. Adrian noted that raw and cooked strawberries are almost different fruits, but it also seems possible that a strawberry sauce will taste more like raw berries than like strawberries baked into pancakes.

Tags:

redbird

The three of us went out to the No Kings Yaas Queens combined Pride/NoKings demonstration today, despite my worries about my various joints. Or, at least, that was the plan. It didn't work out, but my knees, hips, and ankles are OK.

We got to Park Street and the Common, and found other people who were looking for the same event, a stage where someone was introducing the next speaker?performer?, and some tables and tents, but no focus. We wound up walking to the side of the Common next to the Public Garden, where we found the parade, smaller than we'd expected but with enough of a crowd I couldn't see much. So we went home, pausing moderately often to rest my joints and watch another bit of parade, which seems to have been heading for Government Center as originally planned, not the Common as we thought.

I'm both glad I went, and disappointed that I didn't actually make it to the first protest or rally I've felt physically capable of in too long.

I will probably update this tomorrow, to note how my joints are feeling. This afternoon, they've felt good enough for some PT exercises.

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cosmolinguist

Ever since D's girlfriend broke her leg while roller skating last weekend, my ankle has been sore, something it hardly ever does any more and I've done nothing physical (like walk a lot) to cause it.

So I have tried yelling "Shut up, this is clearly psychosomatic! You're fine!" at it. Repeatedly.

Disappointingly, this doesn't seem to be working. (I didn't really expect it to. I'm just saying it woulda been nice if it did, is all!)

Tags:

redbird

I fear that I may have developed an allergy to strawberries.

Cattitude came home from the farmers market with two quarts of strawberries, so we sat down to eat strawberries this evening. Adrian washed a plateful of the berries, and we all started eating.

They're very good strawberries, but I realized after eating a few that my lips were starting to itch. They were tasty enough that I had four or five more before saying anything. When I did, Adrian suggested I go wash my face. I rinsed my lips with plenty of cool water, took a benadryl, complained about the situation, and got Adrian to make me herb tea. I hope I haven't developed an allergy to a fruit I like, after eating them without problems for more than fifty years.

ETA, after responding to people's comments:

It may not be just strawberries. Raw kiwi makes my mouth itch, and I think I remember having a problem with the kiwi on a mixed fruit tart. Possibly-underripe figs also made my mouth itch once, but cooked figs (fig Newton cookies) are OK, and a fig that was ripe enough to fall off the tree at my feet was fine. I think I need to do some reading.

Current Mood: unhappy

Tags:

redbird

I had telemedicine with the GI doctor this morning. ( mostly for my own reference )

Tags:

redbird

Cattitude and I got up at 5:45 so he could pill Kaja, preparatory to her dental surgery. Both the pilling and the medical care went well, and she is on soft food only for 10-14 days. Therefore Molly is too, and we have to give them different treats than the usual dental Greenies. (Kaja will also be getting anti-inflammatories for a couple of days, and gabapentin for five.)

I got email from my brother about Mom's estate. He has done the necessary formwork so Vanguard can give us the money from her account there, where we are co-beneficiaries. His share is already in his account existing account. I tried setting an account up online, which apparently failed at the last minute, so I called and got a helpful person to walk me through the process again, step by step. I had gotten far enough earlier to create security questions, including some that I can actually remember my answers to, and haven't used repeatedly elsewhere. Separately, I need to talk to someone at Amalgamated Bank about the account there, a joint account with both our names on it. I hope they'll let me, as co-owner, close the account and transfer the money elsewhere, rather than sending them a copy of the death certificate, getting the account just in my name, and then closing it.

Mark also said he's thinking of going to London next month to sort through Mom's belongings, photos, and paperwork. So he wants to know whether I'm going as well, and if so, what dates worth for me. (Putting this here so I'm less likely to forget to talk to Cattitude and Adrian and then write back to Mark.)

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cosmolinguist

Today for work, I saw someone spell fisticuffs as "fisty cuffs" and a) that is adorable and b) it also makes me realize what a strange word fisticuffs is!

So naturally I looked it up.

c. 1600, fisty cuffes, from fist (n.) + cuff (n.) "a blow", with the form perhaps in imitation of handiwork.

Well! That's such a boring etymology, but... nice to see the spelling returned to something more like the original!

I said this on fedi and a friend's response has been delighting me ever since:

I always misread it as fishticuffs, so always had an image in my head of some kind of betta fish boxing, complete with gloves over fins

That made me giggle. They're an artist so I asked if they would draw this some time. I am wondering how a fish gets boxing gloves on its fins...

Tags:

language,
whimsy

catness

I came across a haunting fanfic (a short poem) that strongly implies (without saying it explicitly) that a certain fictional character was Jack the Ripper. I was curious if this allusion could be detected by an AI, and asked 3 of them (ChatGPT, Copilot and Gemini) to analyse the poem and note any hidden meanings. While their analysis was detailed and mostly on point, none of them guessed it! Moreover, even after I revealed the secret, Copilot asked if this interpretation could be intentional or accidental. Even though it is blindingly obvious to any reader who's into Jack the Ripper lore. (The other two agreed right away that it was brilliant and absolutely fitting.)

It's like what I had posted a while ago, about puns that AI can't understand. I wonder when they will be able to look deeper into the context and put all the clues together...?

On the positive side, with the help of Copilot's clarifying questions (it can never stop a conversation by itself, provoking the user to keep chatting ;) I came up with a satisfying ending/resolution of the story, and ChatGPT even wrote a couple of snippets for me. I guess it can be used to scratch an itch, if you can't find a fanfic you want to read... The problem is, you need to know exactly what to write, with all the twists... whenever I asked to write something from a vague prompt, the results were rather boring.

Current Mood: curious

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redbird

Last week:

*Cattitude read Blue Moose, by Daniel Pinkwater, aloud to us, because it's one of his favorites and Adrian had never read it. I've reread the book several times, and was happy to hear it out loud.

*I read Isabella Nagg and the Pot of Basil, by Oliver Darkshire. Decidedly weird, funny fantasy. A lot of the humor is in the footnotes, which seem to be at least a quarter of the text. Also, the title does in fact describe the book. Isabella lives in a poor, out-of-the-way village, whose wizard keeps the local goblin market in check, until one day he doesn't. The goblins sell one thing, unnaturally tempting and dangerous fruit.

*Did not finish: Girls Against God, by Jenny Hval. I don't remember where I saw this recommended, and just couldn't get into it.

Currently reading:

*Installment Immortality, by Seanan McGuire, the latest book in her InCryptid series. I started it late last night, and only read a few pages before turning the light out.

*Twelve Trees, by Daniel Lewis, nonfiction about trees and climate change. I picked this up at the libraru, as a "book with a green caover" for the summer reading challenge.

Tags:

cosmolinguist

My ex-husband knows and thinks and cares so much about Brian Wilson that I feel like I shared a polycule with the man.

Wandering around the house tonight, doing the last chores of the evening while the Doof is finishing up, I hear "I Just Wasn't Made for These Times" and I still know all the words, still remember the pained 20somethings Andrew and I were when we met and he introduced me to this weird lonely musician and all his feelings which were also our weird lonely feelings.

There was always something terribly melancholy for me in Brian Wilson's music -- there's a demo of "Still I Dream of It" that used to make me so sad that just thinking about the song made me cry uncontrollably -- and all the more once I left my marriage and never really listened to the Beach Boys any more. And the odd time I hear them, on the radio or like now, I'm always a little thrown by how weird the commercially-released songs sound, without all the unreleased versions layered over them in my mind because those were more common in my marital home (like I said: Not a parasocial relationship for me, but a parasocial metamour).

D made sure I heard the news, and I texted Andrew once I did. I just couldn't let such a thing go by without saying I was thinking of him.

I think both Brian Wilson and Andrew eventually "found the thing they can put their heart and soul in to," as the song goes, and I'm really glad for that.

Tags:

cosmolinguist

I didn't write here yesterday, but what I said on fedi last night was 'Tomorrow is going to be an absolutely disgusting day at work: stressful meetings, grim topics to dwell on..."

The stressful meetings weren't as bad as I expected. Though they were tiring. Lots to think about.

Then some other stuff happened that inspired a household conversation about logistics. All fine, very glad we can do the things we can do. But, more to think about.

Then I got a letter inviting me to my first in-person PIP (UK welfare benefits for disabled people) assessment in a decade.

It's next week, on the day of an important work thing.

At 9 in the morning.

In a part of the city I don't know at all. I don't want D to drive me but I'll have to do a practice run myself if I want to get the bus there. They always pick weird buildings that look like all the other buildings, or some industrial park miles from anywhere, or something inaccessible.

Anyway, back to work: I now have to spend the afternoon paying close attention to the Government's spending review, which is bound to make me angry and frustrated.

Tags:

disability,
work

catness

Current Mood: lazy

Tags:

memes

redbird

My right knee is healing, and stretching worked significantly better than yesterday. I even did a few carefully selected PT exercises this afternoon.

I can do more things standing up, and walking around the apartment is easier. However, I seem to have been leaning too much on the other leg, because my left knee started to hurt earlier. Not badly, but enough that I am putting the cane aside for the moment.

update Monday, 6/9: my knees feel mostly OK today. I am still being careful about walking a lot or standing too long. I just got the mail, figuring the two steps down to the mailboxes would be a useful check of how I'm doing. It was doable, but did hurt a little; I'm glad I decided not to go out. (The sidewalk is down another half dozen stairs, which are a bit more difficult than the ones inside, but the main thing is that this way I only had to climb back up two stairs.)

I heard from the GI doctor's office this morning, and have an appointment Friday at 10:30, which will be telemedicine. I hope my knees will be feeling a lot better by then, but if she had wanted to see me in person, I would have called a lyft and taken the quad cane with me just in case.

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cosmolinguist

The other day I overhead D telling someone that I now naturally have the voice that I put on for my character in our D&D game a couple of years ago.

I was an orc barbarian, heh.

I was delighted to hear this because I hadn't consciously been doing a voice for Bulrik (I went through dozens of orc names I hated in one of the online name generators before finding one I could live with at all, only much later realizing it's most of the name I chose for my self!) and I didn't know that's what I sound like all the time now! How delightful.

I haven't done any conscious voice training at all, just let the testosterone do its work. And I didn't record my voice at any point with the intent of tracking the change, which I guess is a norm in some online cultures. Both of these choices have been conscious decisions made to protect my mental health and I feel really good about that, but it does mean my boundless self-absorption has nothing to work with here! So it's nice to have some external observation.

The other stuff I've been meaning to write about is gonna have to wait; I'm too tired now apparently.

Tags:

trans

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Samantha, Jack & Lucy

November 2020

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Samantha, Jack & Lucy

Reading

the sandals didn't fit.

Overwhelmed

BPL Summer Reading

Part 2 of Things About My Voice

Music Monday: Love Story (Taylor’s Version) and the Scheduling Nonsense That Ruined My Life

Success is not the key to happiness, happiness is the key to success

strawberry follow-up

#NoKings

Screm at own ankle

strawberries

talked to the GI doc

it's been a busy day

Something fishy!

AI

Wednesday reading

They say I got brains

This morning has been too much

Well it's also studying, right? ... right?

boring knee update

Odds and ends about my voice (part 1 of a series apparently)

Profile

November 2020

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